A scene keeps flashing before me
Children aged 5, 6, 7, 10
Chasing, running, playing
My earliest memory of,
Cousins!
We had turkey that Christmas
Something new to most of us
A big flappy black bird
That we shooed around the garden
Just the day before
Don't remember conversations
Just the camaraderie
The ease in which children intermingle
Like a petal storm
Moving together in twists and turns and flips
But always in harmony
Because of an unseen force that fuses them together
The neighbours join in the frolic
Wild and free like the wind
Going anywhere our legs would take us
In the garden
On the road
Accross the barren field facing our house
The women were in the kitchen
Every Christmas the same faces
Laughing eyes
Golden smiles
Chatting, chopping, cooking, washing, cleaning and putting away.
They did everything from scratch
But lunch was served on time
We'd eat in turns - children first
Seated around the oval table
Afterwards we'd sit around with bowls of ice-cream
And Apapa would tell us stories
Once Amama (who was bed ridden) came out and played the piano
While we sang carols
Remember the hair dye we made for Uncle Henry?
And whose idea it was?
We had to give up our rooms
Sleep on the cushions
That we arranged in neat rows on the floor
Spread over with bedsheets
Those banished to the room
would sneak out
To reunite with their cousins
once the adults were asleep
Whispering in the dark,
pillow fight in the morning.
As we grew older
We stopped playing outside
But would still segregate ourselves from the adults
To partake of each other
A catch up session
Laced with easy banter, teasing, pulling legs
We just sat around and talked
Yet derived so much pleasure
A bond was forged
Time passed
After awhile
We did not anymore
play together
Or converse like before
Or congregate in that full force
The bond remained
But the unthinkable happened: We ignored the cracks
And we just never learnt to take care of each other
beyond playing host
We grew older, and grew closer
But then we grew apart
Not in heart or mind, but physically
The result: A broken link
That has broken our hearts
And burned our eyes
And torn our spirits
Full of remorse, regret
Tossing, turning, weeping
Who can sleep?
Knowing that
We did not take care of each other
May 30, 2008
Saturday 31 May 2008
Friday 16 May 2008
Glimpses of our new home
The Courtyard
The Front Porch
The Kitchen
The Living and Dining area
More of the Kitchen
The TV Room which doubles as a guest room
Where is God when it hurts?
The cyclone episode in Burma and the earthquake in China was quite upsetting particularly because of the high number of lives lost but more so because in Burma, lives are not given any value.
The government in Burma is letting only a trickle of aid in and wants to control how it is distributed. They seem unwilling to put aside their agenda at a time when compassion and consideration is called for.
As I pondered on the devastation over the lives, the beauty and the resources of part of this country I wondered at its necessity. Why God? Why so many lives lost? Why to a people that are not able to rebuild their lives on their own? It seems that the worst of natural disasters always hit the poorest of the poor. Why God Why?
I had so many questions. It was timely then that I happened to have picked up a book by Philip Yancey, just a few days before the first disaster took place. Titled "Where is God when it hurts?" it has helped me garner a new found appreciation and a healthy respect for pain and the unpleasant.
Yancey's take is that much of the suffering on our planet has come about because of two pirnciples that God built into creation; a physical world that runs according to consistent natural laws, and human freedom.
For instance, according to natural laws, there can be no pleasure without pain. Our bodies do not have any pleasure sensors. However, pleasure comes from the very same sensors in our body that was made to help us acknowledge and recognise pain.
Weather scientists have found that the world's climatic system is totally dependent on typhoons. Bangladesh and India have learned that in the years that typhoons stay away, rains stay away too. I hope there is a first rate vindication for earthquakes and cyclones too.
Genesis (the first book of the Bible) traces the entrace of suffering and evil into the world through the wonderful but terrible quality of human freedom.
Animals have instinctual behaviour, but as a result of our freedom, we homo sapiens alone have introduced something new to Earth - rebellion against the original design.
G. K. Chesterton (quoted in the book) wrote: "We talk of wild animals, but man is the only wild animal. It is man that has broken out. All other animals are tame animals; following the rugged respectability of tribe or type."
He also wrote: "In making the world, He set it free. God had written, not so much a poem but rather a play; a play He had planned as perfect, but which has necessarily been left to human actors and stage managers, who have since made a great mess of it."
A lot of what happens is our own fault isn't it? Cancer is caused by the terrible things we humans have created and sprayed on vegetables, or put on our skin or added to our food. The earth's climate is changing because we only care about our personal conveniences.
As Yancey succinctly put it, "Man is wild because he alone, on this speck of molten rock called earth, stands up, shakes his fist, and says to God, "I do what I do because I want to do it.""
Yancey believes that somehow, pain and suffering multiplied on earth as a consequence of the abuse of human freedom. When we rebelled against God, the world was forever spoiled and since then the earth and its inhabitants have been emitting a "constant stream of low-frequency distress signals." This is the "groaning" planet we now live in.
"Thus," he says, "any discussion of the unfairness of suffering must begin with the fact that God is not pleased with the condition of the planet either."
God intends to restore the planet to its original design. Until then, we have to live with the consequences of our own folly, and something else called natural laws.
On Pain, By Khalil Gibran
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break,
that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life,
your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
And you would accept the seasons of your heart,
even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.
And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.
Much of your pain is self-chosen. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquillity: For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen, And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears.
The government in Burma is letting only a trickle of aid in and wants to control how it is distributed. They seem unwilling to put aside their agenda at a time when compassion and consideration is called for.
As I pondered on the devastation over the lives, the beauty and the resources of part of this country I wondered at its necessity. Why God? Why so many lives lost? Why to a people that are not able to rebuild their lives on their own? It seems that the worst of natural disasters always hit the poorest of the poor. Why God Why?
I had so many questions. It was timely then that I happened to have picked up a book by Philip Yancey, just a few days before the first disaster took place. Titled "Where is God when it hurts?" it has helped me garner a new found appreciation and a healthy respect for pain and the unpleasant.
Yancey's take is that much of the suffering on our planet has come about because of two pirnciples that God built into creation; a physical world that runs according to consistent natural laws, and human freedom.
For instance, according to natural laws, there can be no pleasure without pain. Our bodies do not have any pleasure sensors. However, pleasure comes from the very same sensors in our body that was made to help us acknowledge and recognise pain.
Weather scientists have found that the world's climatic system is totally dependent on typhoons. Bangladesh and India have learned that in the years that typhoons stay away, rains stay away too. I hope there is a first rate vindication for earthquakes and cyclones too.
Genesis (the first book of the Bible) traces the entrace of suffering and evil into the world through the wonderful but terrible quality of human freedom.
Animals have instinctual behaviour, but as a result of our freedom, we homo sapiens alone have introduced something new to Earth - rebellion against the original design.
G. K. Chesterton (quoted in the book) wrote: "We talk of wild animals, but man is the only wild animal. It is man that has broken out. All other animals are tame animals; following the rugged respectability of tribe or type."
He also wrote: "In making the world, He set it free. God had written, not so much a poem but rather a play; a play He had planned as perfect, but which has necessarily been left to human actors and stage managers, who have since made a great mess of it."
A lot of what happens is our own fault isn't it? Cancer is caused by the terrible things we humans have created and sprayed on vegetables, or put on our skin or added to our food. The earth's climate is changing because we only care about our personal conveniences.
As Yancey succinctly put it, "Man is wild because he alone, on this speck of molten rock called earth, stands up, shakes his fist, and says to God, "I do what I do because I want to do it.""
Yancey believes that somehow, pain and suffering multiplied on earth as a consequence of the abuse of human freedom. When we rebelled against God, the world was forever spoiled and since then the earth and its inhabitants have been emitting a "constant stream of low-frequency distress signals." This is the "groaning" planet we now live in.
"Thus," he says, "any discussion of the unfairness of suffering must begin with the fact that God is not pleased with the condition of the planet either."
God intends to restore the planet to its original design. Until then, we have to live with the consequences of our own folly, and something else called natural laws.
On Pain, By Khalil Gibran
Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
Even as the stone of the fruit must break,
that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life,
your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
And you would accept the seasons of your heart,
even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.
And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.
Much of your pain is self-chosen. It is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink his remedy in silence and tranquillity: For his hand, though heavy and hard, is guided by the tender hand of the Unseen, And the cup he brings, though it burn your lips, has been fashioned of the clay which the Potter has moistened with His own sacred tears.
Sunday 4 May 2008
Party packs from hell
My first lesson on the need to be creative when it came to kid's treats arrived a few years before I became a mum. It was Christmas and my husband and I had thrown a party to coincide with our house warming. For the kids I prepared a basketfull of sweets, chocolates and candy cane. I saw a mama's aghast look when I offered her daughter a helping from the basket. Her daughter looked to her mum for approval and then shook her head at me, politely adding a "no thank you."
I was disturbed at first, even a little annoyed with the mum. Then I was overcome with guilt. I realised that i may have come across to the mum like the wicked witch who had tempted Snow White with a poison apple.
Then I remembered how my dentist aunty absolutely forbade us from eating sweets at all.
These days when my son receives a party pack, I try to reach out for them before he does and we tell him it will be opened when we reach home. It works.... sometimes. They get smarter and smarter with each passing day.
Some mums make the extra effort and Jeshan goes home gleefully with a bag of goldfish or a bunch of little toys. A little thought makes all the difference. Unfortunately most party packs just contain sugar and chocolates which is very scary!
My ideal of a goodie bag (for children aged 2-5) would contain one or more of these:1. Something cute and fun that kids can use over and over again beyond a day - like a small box of crayons, or a notebook or play doh.
2. Stickers - girlie ones for girls and boyish ones for the boys, or gender neutral ones (animals) for all.
3. A Box of chocolate milk or sugar free and preservative free boxed juice.
4. A toy
5. Balloons (kids never tire of them)
6. A little toy car - makes up the quota for a toy.
7. Jelly - If you absolutely must throw in a treat.
8. Those fun, children's wooden paper clips
9. A Plastic animal (You can probably get a pack of 10 animals for about RM12 in certain toy shops).
I usually start planning my sons birthday about three months in advance. I start by scouting around whenever I go out for good deals and toys going at a really good price. I found a delightful toy shop in PJ old town that has lots of fun stuff sold at a bargain.
I also try to pick up stuff when I travel. Shops abroad provide quality whimsical stuff that the kids would adore at affordable prices.
Here is a good site for alternatives to party packs: http://parents.berkeley.edu/advice/birthdays/goodie_alt.html
Sugar me timbers!
All my efforts to protect my child from the hazards of sugary food have come to naught. Until he was two years old my son was joyfully oblivious to the wicked lure of chocolates, ice cream, sweets and icing on the cake. I had planned to keep it that way till he was at least three.
I thought I was the master of my child's gastronomical inclinations, until I was confronted with dark agents out there in the guise of aunty's and acca's who had handbags full of candy and cheap chocolates ready to pass out to guileless or hopeful children.
Of course they mean well. They have probably never read the latest research about sugary contributions to ADHD; or that one should not introduce sugar to children till they are about three to ensure a lifetime of healthy eating habits.
Most certainly, they have never encountered such a mum as me who would be so mean as to deprive her child the little pleasures of childhood.
They have probably learnt that sugar is the easiest and fastest to make friends with a kid. Actually when I am feeling a little deranged, like now, I prefer to think of them as people who don't know how to delay instant gratification for later rewards. It is as though they find it troubling that a child has to say no or be deprived of something they themselves are unable to say no to.
"No ice cream for him? Poor thing!" or "You don't give him chocolates? Ayo why la, poor child. Don't deprive him."
But the child does not know what he is being deprived of dear aunty. And it's actually better for him, his teeth, his temperament and his future health if we don't give it to him - didn't you know??
Imagine my disdain when before my child was even one, people were already pushing sweets and chocolates into his tiny palm. Hello... he could choke?
I remember one day, someone whisked him away from me in church and he was returned with a hateful delight in his hand. I almost had a heart attack. What if he had popped the candy - plastic wrapper and all into his mouth? People just don't seem to think before they do anymore. He was just over one year old.
Those were the days, thankfully when he did not know what candy or chocolates were and didn't mind if I took them away and stuffed them in my bag.
Unfortunately, one day, somewhere, behind my back, someone introduced him to a dark, rectangle, sugar sweet cocoa covered treat and gave it a name - CHOCOLATE.
Later he learnt another word that gave me the shivers: LOLIPOP.
Recently, at Christmas, someone pushed a CANDY CANE into his hand. I just wasn't fast enough. All through the church sermon I worried about his poor teeth, as he sucked and sucked for almost an hour. Everytime I tried to pull it away, he would start throwing a tantrum. As the service required some decorum, I had to give in to stop the wailing.
My son used to love wholesome, healthy cakes we baked at home. Now he only eats icing and refuses any manner of cake.
Thanks a lot aunties.
I thought I was the master of my child's gastronomical inclinations, until I was confronted with dark agents out there in the guise of aunty's and acca's who had handbags full of candy and cheap chocolates ready to pass out to guileless or hopeful children.
Of course they mean well. They have probably never read the latest research about sugary contributions to ADHD; or that one should not introduce sugar to children till they are about three to ensure a lifetime of healthy eating habits.
Most certainly, they have never encountered such a mum as me who would be so mean as to deprive her child the little pleasures of childhood.
They have probably learnt that sugar is the easiest and fastest to make friends with a kid. Actually when I am feeling a little deranged, like now, I prefer to think of them as people who don't know how to delay instant gratification for later rewards. It is as though they find it troubling that a child has to say no or be deprived of something they themselves are unable to say no to.
"No ice cream for him? Poor thing!" or "You don't give him chocolates? Ayo why la, poor child. Don't deprive him."
But the child does not know what he is being deprived of dear aunty. And it's actually better for him, his teeth, his temperament and his future health if we don't give it to him - didn't you know??
Imagine my disdain when before my child was even one, people were already pushing sweets and chocolates into his tiny palm. Hello... he could choke?
I remember one day, someone whisked him away from me in church and he was returned with a hateful delight in his hand. I almost had a heart attack. What if he had popped the candy - plastic wrapper and all into his mouth? People just don't seem to think before they do anymore. He was just over one year old.
Those were the days, thankfully when he did not know what candy or chocolates were and didn't mind if I took them away and stuffed them in my bag.
Unfortunately, one day, somewhere, behind my back, someone introduced him to a dark, rectangle, sugar sweet cocoa covered treat and gave it a name - CHOCOLATE.
Later he learnt another word that gave me the shivers: LOLIPOP.
Recently, at Christmas, someone pushed a CANDY CANE into his hand. I just wasn't fast enough. All through the church sermon I worried about his poor teeth, as he sucked and sucked for almost an hour. Everytime I tried to pull it away, he would start throwing a tantrum. As the service required some decorum, I had to give in to stop the wailing.
My son used to love wholesome, healthy cakes we baked at home. Now he only eats icing and refuses any manner of cake.
Thanks a lot aunties.
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