Saying Goodbye Again

My group of close friends keeps getting smaller as more and more of them move to different frontiers. Just recently a couple who have been our friends since uni, moved to Perth, with their year old child.

They will be missed, as with other friends who have moved away over the years.

Christmas with the gang will be a pretty tight circle this year.

I'm glad though that despite the distance and years that have separated us, we still catch up whenever any of them return home. Sometimes we get to celebrate Christmas with them and it's a treat.

These are friends I made in Uni and will remain my friends for life.

Conversations with my son

Mummy: Jeshan, do you love mummy?
Jeshan: Yes
Mummy: Jeshan? How much do you love mummy?
Jeshan: Big, long hug.


Mummy: Jeshan? Mummy loves you!
Mummy: Jeshan? Do you know how much mummy loves you?
Jeshan: Soooooo Much!

William Sabaratnam RIP

On a whim and a fancy, I googled my father's name today... and this is what I found (on kirbynet.com):

WILLIAM SABARATNAM R.I.P.
e-mail from Ramakrishnan P received 11.2.2005

This morning I was shocked to read in The Star that our friend and Kirkbyite William Sabaratnam had passed away. I immediately called Mrs Sabaratnam to convey my sympathies to her. I told her how sorry I was to learn of his passing and remarked, “Though I had not seen him in many years, he was a good friend.” She responded, “He was a good father and a good husband.”

She was very calm and sounded well. I suppose when death stares at you on a daily basis, may be it is easier to accept its inevitability.

She informed me that he contracted pneumonia and was admitted to hospital on 8 February –the eve of Chinese New Year and the day of Ah Kau’s funeral. The next day, on Chinese New Year and the day after Ah Kau’s funeral, William Sabaratnam passed away. Since there was no publication yesterday, the obituary only appeared today.

According to the obituary, he was 68 years old and leaves behind his wife and 4 daughters. There will be a funeral service at the Tamil Methodist Church in Brickfields at 3.00 p today followed by burial at the Cheras Christian Cemetry.

On 9 October, on learning of his ailment – nasal cancer – I recalled my memory of William Sabaratnam in a letter that I circulated. That information is still valid and it is reproduced:
“William Sabaratnam was from Block 9. He was tall and thin and I remember him in his brown suit. His favourite hang out was the billiard-table, forever banging away at the balls. He was pretty good at billiards and had won many prizes. If he wasn’t occupied at the table, he would be standing in front of the fire-place warming his back with his hands tucked into his trouser pockets and a cigarette dangling from his lips.

“I did not have much interaction with him in college. I’m not sure whether he talked much. Perhaps there was no need to speak. Billiards needed absolute concentration – that may be the reason. But I’m not sure.”

Tien Chong responded to this in his letter to me:

“You do have an excellent memory of him! Yes, William was in block 9 and his room was diagonally opposite. mine. Teong Kooi was his neighbour and they both monopolized the billiard table and were twice college champions. These 2 shared the same interest in literature would discussed Tennesse Williams in great detail.

“Perhaps Teong Kooi can tell us what their thoughts on D H Lawrence were. These 2 had great in depth knowledge of his books and always tried to out do each other.

“ He was a keen cricketer too.

“I remember him well as we both spent many happy hours at Jacaranda Coffee house drinking coffee and making friends with our young English hosts.”

In case, anyone wishes to drop a note to Mrs Sabaratnam, the address is: 589/2 Jalan NGP 2/7, New Green Park, 48000 Rawang, Selangor. Home telephone: 03-60916024.

What to do in Langkawi with kids in tow

Don't forget the sunscreen and the sun hat...

Keep the kids and the bags together at the airport so that one does not suffer at the expense of the other.

Take the cable car ride. The kids will gain perspective of scales - endless sea, heights, how small we are in the sum of things; there are small waterfalls to point out to; you can explain the concept of "jungle" to them; and, they learn that there are more ways to travel then just by car or plane.

Do take a boat ride... to anywhere. The kids were thrilled and the sights were breathtaking. Our destination was an eagle feeding site and a visit to a fish farm where there are baracudas to marvel at; fish that jump into the air to nibble at your finger; eels to stroke and garoupas to lure from the dark they prefer to languish in. Very educational trip that was.

Don't know how long this eagle feeding thing has been around for, but it was the best thing we did on the trip. It was just an amazing sight to watch these creatures fly out of the dense forests, swoop down to pick up the chicken skin pieces the tour guides throw into the water, and immediately pass it to their beaks. They then fly up, circle and swoop down again. Once all the pieces are gone, they fly away, mostly to the highest peaks of the rocky hills that surrounded us.

The kids of course would love nothing more than to spend hours just splashing around in the pool. Check out how our little fella armed himself with TWO floats - one of which he stole from his cousin. Note that the cousin looks distressed from all the bullying. They absolutely loved the beach too. It was Jeshan's first introduction to sand and sea but since the mummy's were taking some time out to go shopping, nobody was around to remember to take pictures of that very important moment.

Are playgrounds safe enough for our kids?

In the US, playgrounds are fenced in. Adults without a child in their care, are by law, not allowed to step into the play area. This automatically makes the playground a safe haven.

The fencing means parent's do not have to worry about their kids running into a drain, or unto the road or simply wondering off. The law on the other hand, keeps paedophiles, kidnappers and other unwanted characters out.

What happened to Nurin just goes to show how unsafe our neighbourhoods have become.

The authorities should consider making areas where families and children hang out, safe. The playground is a good place to start.

All I ever really needed to know

A friend introduced me to this book some years ago and I think it is one of the best books ever written. Here's an excerpt:

All I Ever Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten
- by Robert Fulghum

Most of what I really need to know about how to live, and what to do, and how to be, I learned in Kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sandbox at nursery school.

These are the things I learned: Share everything. Play fair. Don't hit people. Put things back where you found them. Clean up your own mess. Don't take things that aren't yours. Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody. Wash your hands before you eat. Flush. Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you. Live a balanced life. Learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work some every day.

Take a nap every afternoon. When you go out into the world, watch for traffic, hold hands, and stick together. Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the plastic cup. The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.

Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the plastic cup - they all die. So do we.

And then remember the book about Dick and Jane and the first word you learned, the biggest word of all: LOOK . Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation, ecology and politics and sane living.

Think of what a better world it would be if we all - the whole world - had cookies and milk about 3 o'clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankets for a nap. Or if we had a basic policy in our nation and other nations to always put things back where we found them and clean up our own messes. And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

Tips for travelling with toddlers

These tips have been tried and tested twice, once on a 9 hour flight to Sydney and again on a long long haul to Madison, Wisconsin through Taipei, Los Angeles, Detroit, Minneapolis and some other place I can't remember. Hope they work for you.

BABY’S STUFF CHECKLIST

I discovered to my amazement that a baby needs so much more than two adults when travelling. They just need so much stuff!! To help me get organised I researched for hours and then I made lists, and lists and lists...

For the flight
Changing Kit: This is a small bag which contains Diapers, Changing Mat, Drapolene cream, Plastic grocery or zip lock bags for soiled diapers, Wet wipes, and a nappy for drying wet behinds
Have a separate bag for your changing kit so that you only need to take this with you when you go to the bathroom for diaper changes. (Find out early which lavatories have a changing table)
Blankets (it gets cold up there)
Tissues
Toys and Books (see below for selection of toys)
Change of clothes
Pyjamas (optional)
Bibs, Baby’s fork and spoon, a small plate.
Sippy Cup/ Water Cup
Milk bottle (one kept in your hand luggage under the seat and the rest can keep overhead as the stewardess will wash bottle and fill with warm water for you)
Snacks
Waterless hand soap
Car Seat (optional)
Stroller (seriously recommended)
Pacifier (to make them suck to prevent air pressure in the ears)
Pillow and Bolster and whatever helps baby sleep at night
Colouring Kit
Juice, Water (not allowed in plane)
Bernadryl for when they get uncontrollable
Milk Dispenser
Hot water, cold water (for airport. You need to empty these before entering the plane)
Tin of milk in overhead hand luggage

First aid checklist
Thermometer
Fever med
Waterless liquid soap
Sterile bandages and gauze
Tweezers
Sunscreen
Lotion
Cold pack
Dettol
Eucalyptus Oil
Insect repellent
Cold Balm
Panadol
Cough Mixture
Anti histamines
Diarrhoea medicine
`

General packing
Toys and a few new books that will entice them.
Colouring book
Stickers!!
Milk tins
Diapers
Towel
Warm Clothing
Pyjamas
Wash cloth
Milk Bottles
Diaper cream
Medication
Tupperwares for freezing food
Fork and Spoons
Eating bowls
Cups
Sippy cups
Wet wipes
Biscuits
Cereal
Soap, shampoo
Socks
Shoes
Clothes


Flight tips
Infant food must be reserved 24 hours prior to departure – so don’t forget!! Call 1300 88 3000 or 03-87764321
Good seats on 747: Row 30ABC – book as soon as you can. They get snapped up quickly.
Good seats of 777 Row 11DEFGH. Trust me I did the homework
Sit near galley/lav
Sit in front
Avoid bulkhead, which are the seats that face a “wall”. The armrest can’t be removed.
On MAS flights at least, the stewardess will actually mix the milk for you. Just give them the bottle and the milk tin/ milk dispenser and they will do the rest, including wash the milk bottle. This helps especially since you can’t carry hot or cold water into the craft.


Packing tips
Start preparing to pack a few weeks before you travel. Keep an ongoing list of items to bring.
Pack an extra shirt or top for yourself in your carry on bag in case baby spills something on you
Prevent leaks by packing meds and toiletries in re-sealable plastic bags
Keep an energy boosting snack handy for you to much on. You will need it especially during layovers.
Keep your baby’s outfits together in one suitcase. If you’re really organised, roll each outfit and secure with rubberband.

Possible toys and tricks to keep toddlers occupied and entertained
Books: get a few new books and spring it on them when the flight is taking off and they need to be distracted and kept in their seats. It is a good way to make some miles fly by and relaxe them.

A cheap 9" x 12" baking sheet: Use as a playing surface so crayons, Matchbox cars, Legos, and other small items don't roll away. (Repeatedly retrieving dropped toys gets old really quickly.)

Magnetized letters, numbers, and shapes: Use these with the baking sheet to make words, spell names, or create pictures.Sticker books, activity books, and stick-on plastic picture sets: Particularly great for toddlers — they allow your child to express creativity without using pens on the upholstery. Can stick them on the hand rest, seat in front, baby’s shoes, daddy’s hand when he is asleep. These can be removed before getting off the flight.Crayons: for colouring of course.Play doh – this is especially great if it is new to your child. Get some cookie cutters and watch the time fly by!

A favourite toy that has been hidden away for a while – The familiar is sometimes a good gift. Hide them away some time before the trip and spring them on baby when he least expects it.

A few gift-wrapped surprise presents: Buy something new and wrap them in several layers, they take longer to open.

Colored pipe cleaners: These flexible wonders are great for making just about anything - animal and flower shapes, stick people, jewellery etc.

A small flashlight: Little boys especially just love this. Ask them to look for fallen toys under the seat.

Get a little zipped purse and put a bunch of things inside that your child will enjoy
opening and discovering.

If all else fails and you need some time to yourself, check the inflight movies for the kids channel and let them watch Barney for a safe option. Some of the others kids options are either violent or over the top - too much for a little bub to deal with.

Part two: Mat Motors

The episode yesterday with the motorcyclist reminded me of an encounter a friend had a few weeks back while returning to KL from Kuala Selangor.

She was driving along with a friend, both minding their own business when a bunch of mat rempit (I intentionally refuse to capitalise M and R) started following them. They made faces at my friend and her friend - and they were rightly ignored.

I guess they didn't take too lightly to being ignored so they picked up rocks and started hurling them at my friend's car. A sure way to get someone's attention huh.

The poor girl now has dents all over her car from the rocks. It was scary to say the least for the two girls but I must say, their encounter was a close call.

Not so lucky were a couple who made it to the news just the day before. A boy was sending his girlfriend back to her home somewhere near Kampung Pandan on a motorbike when they were followed by a group of mat rempit. They surrounded the couple and asked the girl to go with them. She refused and the boyfriend managed to slip his motorbike past them. They sped to follow him and he sped to leave them behind. Unfortunately, they caught up to him and kicked his bike. The couple fell. The boy died on the way to the hospital from head injuries and the girl was warded to treat some broken bones.

This whole mat motor/ rempit issue has gone too far. These fellas have become a law unto themselves. They have threatened and harassed and killed and yet they still roam freely. They appear from nowhere, crawling out of their black holes like rats and disappearing into them just a quickly. They cannot be traced. They can do anything and get away with it. They have and that's why they continue to be so brave.

Pack mentality. This is why I refused to be ragged back in university. When guys get together, there's no telling what they can drive each other to do.

So how are the authorities going to get these rats? They've got to start luring them out - bait them. Dangle some cheese. Enforcement needs to be stepped up.

Witnesses to such crimes should stay alert and memorise their motorbike numbers then report them to the police. That's the only way to ensure justice is done - spot them while they are out of their holes and in the midst of committing crimes, then tag them. Tag them so that when they come out of their holes again the police know which rats they need to trap.

Ughh... these fellows on motorbikes

It was a drizzly evening yesterday and there I was minding my own business in the safe confines of my car, while waiting for a traffic light to change. Suddenly there was a loud "wham" as though something had hit my car hard and I looked to see a thin motorcyclist clad in a red t-shirt whiz away from the left side of my car. He had just run into my side mirror.

I recovered from the shock of that very loud sound, checked if the mirror could still move up and down when I pressed the control button and watched that fellow zoom away as soon as the traffic light changed.

I was mad enough to want to follow him but decided I should just let it go. Why work myself up, he will be long gone before i reach him.

Unfortunately, I had a guest waiting at home so in my excitement I forgot to check the mirror when I got home and got out of the car.

It was not until this morning that I noticed that the back portion of my side mirror is missing. I cringed and moaned inwardly and the figure of the red clad lad flashed in my head.

Who was he? Where do irresponsible people like him start their journey? No stop to say sorry, no little wave. Not even a care to assess the damage.

So who made him? Why are there people like him? Why? Why? Why? Why do I have to pay for his mistakes?

And there I went, working myself up over a stranger I will never see again.

Really though, who are these boys? And why are they so reckless. They don't care for their lives or the lives of others. He just couldn't care less who he hurt along the way. Why are people so selfish? It all begins at home man... it all begins at home.

The home is supposed to be a safe place for children to be nurtured and given a good start in life. But parents just mess things up and then their children become so messed up and then they go ahead and start their own families - but they are so messed up that they mess up their families too and the cycle just goes on and on and on.

Soon there is a proliferation of messed up people that multiplies with each new generation.

It makes me weep. I weep for all the children who are driven to insanity. Who are tortured, abused, ignored, spoilt and left to fend for themselves. Where will they end up? Who will they turn into?

I wish messed up people wouldn't have children.

Once upon a time

I first started journaling when I was in secondary school. 1991 I think. I recently opened a chest and pulled out the dusty old diary. Somebody had gifted it for my birthday.

Since then there have been many more journals. I start a new one every year.

There was a time when I would spend the first few days of the New Year reading the previous years diary yo see how I have grown, how I have changed and what I have accomplished. I would then open my new journal and write on the first page all the dreams I have for that year, everything I want to have done by the end of 365 days.

No time for all that now. I still keep a journal but reflection is something that you need hours and at times, days alone for.

Sometimes though I open this chest and just glance through a few pages and I am shocked by what I find inside. So long ago, memories I have blocked out because they were so painful. Some stuff made me laugh. Then I came across this notation, "Mary says if you can look back on a year and you have not laughed or cried, then you have NOT lived." Very profound this friend of mine. Always hits the nail on the head.

Anyway, I opened my first diary and of course it was very amusing. Very kiddie too - lots of newspaper and magazine clippings about the New Kids on the Block. I was crazy about them back then. There are a few poems about love, cause you know, that age, teenage crushes and all.
But there were also two things in that that turned out to be very important in my future.

One was a quote/poem by Anne Morrow Lindbergh:

"A good relationship has a pattern like a dance and is built on some of the same rules. The partners do not need to hold on tightly, because they move confidently in the same pattern, intricate but gay and swift and free, like a country dance of Mozart's. To touch heavily would be to arrest the pattern and freeze the movement, to check the endlessly changing beauty of its unfolding. There is no place here for the possessive clutch, the clinging arm, the heavy hand; only the barest touch in passing. Now arm in arm, now face to face, now back to back -- it does not matter which. Because they know they are partners moving to the same rhythm, creating a pattern together, and being invisibly nourished by it."

This turned out to be the theme around which my wedding centred, and with which we hoped our marriage would centre too. Partners in the same rhythm, creating a pattern together and being nourished....

The second was a quote by Joseph Pulitzer:
"A journalist is the lookout on the bridge of the ship of state. He notes the passing sail, the little things of interest that dot the horizon in fine weather. He reports the drifting castaway whom the ship can save. He peers through fog and storm to give warnings of dangers ahead. He is not thinking of his wages or the profits of his owners. He is there to watch over the safety and welfare of the people that trust him."

I had copied that down from the Reader's Digest in 1994. I was in my first year of journalism studies but I had no intention at that time to become a journalist. Yet, this was the kind of journalist I strived to be, at least at heart. Every time I saw injustice I remembered his words.

It is my experience that journals are an asset. They show you where you have been, what you did there; why you did or did not do something. They remind you why you made certain decisions and by this, help you stick to them.

Journals are like the perfect listening ear. They do not interrupt or tell you what to do. They cannot judge you or use what you said against you. Most importantly, they will not repeat what you shared of yourself to someone else.

Poor Nurin

I was so, so disturbed by the tragedy that robbed Nurin of her life. Everytime I think of her I am moved to tears. I close my eyes and imagine what it must have been like for her, just eight being tortured like that and I just can't take it.

It made me question God. Why would God allow something like that to happen to poor, innocent little children? I asked and asked and then it hit me that prayer moves the hand of God. I immediately felt remorse for my own lack of action. As a nation, as people of different faiths, what did we do after we read of Nurin's disappearance? Most of us just turned the page. Just another story right? Happens everyday. It makes me wonder what would have happened had we as people of faith bothered to prayed for her. Fasted for her safe return.

Am sure things would have turned out differently for Nurin, for prayer changes things. This, is the answer I felt God was giving me for my shallow question.

2 years old

We celebrated Jeshan's 2nd birthday on a smaller scale this year. Just relatives and one very close family friend. We had a pool party because Jeshan is obssesed with water. The kids had a good time swimming while the adults mingled over food.

I made these for the kids to drink from but sad to say they were underappreciated by the younger kids and the boys. Got the idea from Brenda Waltron's website. I think this would be more appropriate for kids (girls) a little older. Used coloured, textured paper from Popular (only seen it at the Jaya Supermarket outlet so far) and pictures I cut out from one of Jeshan's old activity books.

Made these little notebooks for the girls for their party packs. Bought the card stock from a Scrapbooking shop in the US. They sell similar card stock here from the same designer at a little shop in Bangsar Village and at Papier at The Curve but at 5-7 times the price I bought it in the US. Beads were left overs from broken chokers and the glassy flowers can be picked up at sewing shops or even stationery shops that have a sewing or craft section.

These are the party packs. Bought them at a bargain in the States. The tags are made from name card sized empty cards sold by the box at Popular book store. The baby doll dresses are made from coloured card stock also purchased by weight at Popular. Added polkadots with a Pabeo thermobased outliner (usually used in glass painting) from Craft Haven in One Utama.

The birthday cake which my eldest sister Sandra made.

Left this lying about for the kids to play with after the got out of the pool. It was a forgotten present baby had received at Christmas. Glad I took it out of the cupboard, it came in pretty handy and popular.

Merdeka!

There were many questions asked of the average lay man in the run up to Merdeka. None got me thinking more than Astro's "Who do you think is the greatest Malaysian?"

To me, the greatest Malaysian would be someone who genuinely cares about this country. He cares enough not to litter. He cares enough to drive by the rules. He cares enough to devote his time and energy to saving our biodiversity for future generations.

In the midst of a country riddled with corruption, he does not take bribes, nor give them. In a society with shocking bathroom habits, he cleans up after himself. In a boat full of selfish people, he prospers his neighbour.

He does not take what is not his. He does not insist he be given what he has not worked for. He puts back everything in its place.

He says please and thank you, does not cheat on his wife or his business partner, looks after his parents and does his best for his children.

Find me someone who has all of the above and I will show you the greatest Malaysian.

Where am I aiming my kid?

I want to set you up son, to NOT miss the whole point of your life - by aiming below what God has in store for you.



Son, today it is my responsibility to guide you down the long and winding road, which I hope will one day lead to TRUE greatness. I am only human though and will falter many times myself before I get it right.




One day, all too soon, I will have to let you find your own way - but you won't be alone if you so choose. If you let Him, the Author and Sustainer of true greatness will be with you and He'll be glad to whisper in your ear and nudge you down the path you should take.

What are Malaysians worth?

It would seem in Malaysia, that lives are cheap.

Despite the high mortality rate in road accidents, back seat passengers do not have to wear a seat belt. Babbies and toddlers don't have to be safely fitted into child car seats.

Buses can be made with cheap materials that disintegrate upon impact because there are no standard regulations that govern their design and construction, unlike in more developed countries.

Vegetables high in pesticides, rejected by Singapore and more concerned governments, are acceptable for the Malaysian public.

Yup, in Malaysia, lives are cheap.

It's like the regulators are telling us, "die, die lah."

In other countries, you can be jailed and your children taken away from you if you don't use a child seat in the car. You will be considered a danger to your child.

Elsewhere, there are tough regulations as to who can drive a bus - they are after all being entrusted with some 40 lives at any one time.

Background and police records are checked before someone is allowed to be a child minder at a creche in a church I attended in Madison, Wisconsin, US.

Lives are worth much more there.

Australians are probably the most valuable people on the planet as they seem to have the most stringent laws vis a vis public health and safety.

But in Malaysia? Politics, votes and collecting dirty money so that some little napolean can put up his mistress in an expensive apartment, are more important considerations than your life or mine.

Green, green bags

Green canvas is the way to go...

It has been two weeks since I shook off the dust that had settled on the green canvas bags I bought months ago, and put them to use. Made for grocery shopping, these bags are the ultimate alternative to environmentally unfriendly plastic bags.

The first time I took them to the grocers, it surprised me just how many things could fit into the bag. There is RM200 worth of groceries in the bags pictured above, including a bag of rice. It sure beat having to carry so many plastic bags from cashier to car.

I saw one or two other people using similar bags and I couldn't help but be thrilled at the prospect that one day soon, plastic bags will no longer be de riguer, and everyone will be toting these bags around.

The bags are inexpensive too. Giant sells their own version now for just RM2.45 each if I remember correctly and I got mine at Bangsar Village for just RM1.50 each with every purchase of RM30.00 and above.

This is one way to reduce our footprint on the environment... use less plastic bags. Plastic bags take hundreds of years to degrade once they are thrown out. When it goes out to the land fill all it does is just sit there for hundreds of years.

What do we use to throw out our rubbish if we don't bring home plastic bags? TMC and Giant sell biodegradable garbage bags at affordable prices which is the way to go. I have also found that since we started recycling and separating our waste, we throw away less which means less garbage bags or plastic bags are used each day.

All it takes is one baby step at a time. So easy, so inexpensive, yet so impactful.

Assailed in India!

Colourful India

In April, I travelled with friends to India and what travel India is! We arrived in Mumbai and were immediately assailed by the putrid smells of urine as we stepped out of the airport. But that was India and we were ready to accept it in all its glory, even the uninvited porters who insisted we gave them "paper money" and not the coins we shoved quickly into their hands for doing nothing but trail us to the car.

My travelling companions, Anita and Devi

That same night, even our pre assigned driver tried to make money out of us. We had stopped at a stall to buy bottled water. Since there were five of us, we asked for a box of 2 litre bottles.

The driver insisted that because we were making a big buy, the stall owner should give him some commission for bringing him good customers. They argued for some time and then the shop owner tried to pass on the commission to us, by hiking up the price of the water. Thank God my sister in law had some experience of living in India and she told them both off. Next the driver took the longest route possible to our hotel. What should have taken about half and hour to 45 mins tops took almost two and the half hours. It was crazy. All this so that he could claim more money - they get paid by the hour you see.

These are the waters beyond the India gate. Despite the horrid stench that permeates the air here and the littered sidewalks, there are moments of tranquility and beauty.

That is India for you. You have to be prepared for it and not let the little but horrifying experiences bother you or your trip will be ruined. The only thing to expect in India, is the unexpected, so they say.

Essentially, I learned, to survive your holiday in India you need:
1. To read all about it before you go (Lonely Planet would be your best bet)
2. To have a good sense of humour
3. To drink only bottled water
4. To have a strong stomach and a good head on your shoulders
5. To insist on getting what the tour operators promised you (the drivers will try to be funny where they can)
6. To be on the look out for any kind of scams from just about anyone
7. To be ready to be horrified

Mumbai was crazy - heavy traffic even at midnight, old men crushed under the weight of their labourious burdens, and blasting horns that never stop. It was also disturbing with all the homeless or street children half naked and barefooted running around. What struck me was that they seemed to be so happy - just children playing and chasing - oblivious that having no shoes was a bothersome thing.

We saw women washing clothes wherever they could find water - gas stations, leaking water from broken pipes. Children collected water in the dead fo the night from tiny streams trickling through rocks on the dirtiest beach you ever saw. It really was depressing.

We chose the worst time of the year to go. April is hot and humid and the sun scorches the skin. We spent most of our time in our hired car, shuffling from one tourist spot to another shopping district in Mumbai.

Goa was a welcome respite. It is a stark contrast from the rest of India. No signs of poverty or the homeless. Just lots of good food, a hint of drug dealing and beautiful clean beaches. When in Goa, one must not miss the sunset cruise down the Mandovi River. It is just a truly breathtaking experience for the reflective person. I hear the pork vindaloo is divine but we somehow never came across it.

Goa looked and felt, in many ways, like Langkawi, only not quite.

Wherever you are staying, do make a trip further south to the less crowded and more beautiful beaches. There were rumours of Goa's reknowned parties here and there but it was the end of the tourist season and the partying was essentially over.

Beautiful sunsets here

The craft markets are worth a visit. Look out for the Tibetan jewellery sellers. There are rows and rows of them selling exquisite and well cut pieces with really exotic designs. They are mostly good quality silver set with semi precious stones. You will need to haggle to almost half the introductory price. However most of them are really haughty because the Europeans, with their big money, usually pay them what they ask. Look for the sweet little ladies with kind eyes and they are more likely to relent.

The most of us

All in all India was quite the experience. It did not hit me as hard as I have been to Africa before and had my share of culture shocks. All through my trip though, especially in Mumbai, I could not help but ask God "why?" as I looked out the frosted windows of our hired car into the immense poverty that we passed by...

My achy breaky heart

It was the worst day of my life. Even now, as I relive the incident in my mind, guilt and heartache wash over me in spurts.

My little one and the half year old, had on that fateful day, been playing tag with a pretty, gleeful, pony-tailed, four-year-old near the swimming pool at our condominium

In a bid to get away from her, he runs with wild abandonment straight towards a high pavement, trips and knocks his head on the low bricked wall. What little flesh on his forehead bursts open in a deep but narrow cut.

I saw it happen in my head before it actually happened. I reacted instantly, but was too far behind to stop him.

The ache in his cry – like nothing I have ever heard from him; and the terror in his eyes all but shook me even before I saw the streaks of blood flowing down his face.

I carried him in my arms and ran, my heart thumping crazily, back to my condo where thank God, my mother was at home and engrossed in a magazine.

We searched frantically under the blood and saw that the wound was not too deep, and his condition far from life threatening.

Yet, I felt threatened.
I felt vulnerable. How can this happen? On my watch. On my watch!

In the midst of his persistent cries and bloodied clothes, and my trying to contact my husband I had the presence of mind to bathe him quickly and wash his hair, so that he would not need a wash after he gets stitched up.

We rush him to our family physician almost an hour later. They see the blood and tend to him immediately even though there is a roomful of people waiting.

Nothing prepared me for the trauma of watching my child get stitched up for the first time.
The doctor tried his best.
“Has he had stitches before? I need to tell you that it IS going to be painful and he IS going to scream. Just be prepared.”

The doctor makes me hold baby down as he cleans the stitches and my son looks at me, wailing, pleading, and with eyes that questioningly say, “Mummy, what are you doing to me?,” “Mummy why are you letting them hurt me?.”

I turn away as the doctor hovers over him, the shringe full of anesthetic poised over his wound. I shut my eyes tight – I can’t look. I can’t watch.

My son, my baby, he screams so loudly when the needle pierces him that the walls seem to shake, my heart shatters to a million pieces and I force myself, for his sake, to look, to assure him with my eyes. What I really want to do is push the doctor away and hold my baby close and tell him I am sorry.

He goes back to just crying and then whimpering and I guess he sees the fear in my eyes and reflects it in his own.
But his forehead is numb now and he does not feel the hooked needle the doctor uses for the singular stitch he needs for his deep but narrow wound. He does not take his eyes off me, studying my every reaction.

All of a sudden everything is ok and when we go to the waiting room, my son, my baby, he starts to play with the rocking horse as though nothing has happened.

The stress finally hits its peak and in the dark corner of the waiting room I break down and cry, hiding my face by looking out of the window, letting my long black hair fall over my face.

My mother misinterprets and tells me not to worry, he will be ok.

For the next few days, everyone enquires about the band aid on his forehead. I wince as I recount the necessary details, resenting the need to, as I secretly relive every distressing moment and feel every painful pang, in my little aching heart.

Playground or danger zone?

I have found, much to my disdain that playgrounds in Malaysia are more a danger zone than a safe haven for toddlers to play.

Most of the public playgrounds in and around PJ are surrounded by large monsoon drains that unsuspecting toddlers can just run towards and fall into. In the US and Australia, all playgrounds are fenced in so parents don't have to walk one step behind their toddlers and kids all the time, hair on edge, waiting for some disaster to happen.

Many playgrounds are not well maintained, the ground is uneven and full of holes - again making it a hazardous for young children.

At our condominium, we have what they call a small "intelligent" playground. It is raised about half a foot above the walkway. As the playground is very small, toddlers just learning to walk can easily tumble over the side of the playground and fall to the concrete below. Even though it is only half a foot, it is very dangerous to young children and babies. I used to have to run around half bent right behind my son and keep pulling him away from the side of the playground. It was no fun for him, and it was very tiring for me. There is no freedom within limits. I was on edge and stressed the entire time we were in the playground, and he was constantly in danger.

On top of this, they have two benches, with sharp metal edges on the four corners, right next to the drop. Can you imagine? Once my one and the half year old son climbed on the bench, lost his footing and tumbled to the concrete on the other side where the drop is. This was when he was older and I learnt to stand aside and watch rather then run behind him. Big mistake. I have gone back to walking right behind him... it's no fun for him, and VERY tiring for me.

When I follow him like that, he imagines I am chasing him, gets excited and runs faster. Sigh...

Oprah Goes Green

I was really inspired by Oprah's show last night to do just one thing - one thing - to change the way we live that is hurting the environment.

Today I sat down my maid and explained the concept of climate change to her. Interestingly she brought up some changes she noticed in her village in Surabaya when she was home for two months just recently. She says the padi they plant grows nicely but has no rice in the husks. She said this could be because there has not been enough rain and water retention. Apparently all the neighbours were complaining about the failed crops. They have never experienced this before.

The world is changing for the worse and if each of us just did one thing - one thing, to go green it would really make a difference to the kind of Earth we leave behind for our children.

My maid and I are making a concerted effort to separate as much of the garbage as we can and we know that the cleaners at our apartment here recycle them. We recycle the newspapers ourselves. When we move to our new place at the end of the year, we will have a garden and I explained to her that will allow us to start composting. She smirked and told me, back home the villagers have been composting for years!

That's basically it I guess... we need to go back to basics.

Tun, Toh Puan, Datuk Seri Utama, Datuk, Datuk, Datin, Datin dan sebagainya

In my line of work I meet many people who have done so much for the poor, the marginalised and destitute in the country, and yet they have not been recognised for their work. At the same time I hear about or meet many who receive honours they have done nothing to deserve - aside from being politically well connected. Year after year they move from one honour to another undeserved honour of higher rank.
I would just like to quote my favourite author, Mark Twain here "It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not to deserve them."
I salute Mrs. F.R. Bhupalan who has done more for women and the marginalised in the country than most and yet refused the Datukship offered to her. God bless her and others like her!

Choo Choo Train!

Incidentaly, my other sister Sandra is the original baker in our family and has been baking our birthday cakes for as long as I remember. She gets orders for them now, quite often. She has what I call the touch. Her cakes always have the right moisture content and after years of being spoilt by her cakes, other cakes are always having to measure up.

Here is the cake she made for my son's first birthday

Here is the one she made for her daughter's fourth birthday.

My son wants a "choo choo train" for his upcoming birthday in August and my sister has been given the challenge. Will keep you updated on how that turns out.

Yummy, yummy, yummy, I've got love in my tummy

You must try my sister's cupcakes. They are delicous! And they look great too. I have it in good faith that she uses only the best ingredients and tried a zillion recipes to find the perfect taste for each of them.

They cost RM3.00 - RM3.50 for the big ones, and RM2.00 for the fairy cakes. Choose from chocolate with butter icing or chocolate ganache, red velvet with cream cheese, cookies and cream, butter with butter icing, pumpkin, apple and many more.

To order, contact Sheila at 017-8843230

WHAT A WASTE

Very soon, all Malaysians may have to separate their waste at source or even pay as they throw, thanks to the Solid Waste Management Bill which finally and somehow made it through the doors of Parliament; AND got passed.

This method of separating waste at source is not anything new and has been successfully implemented overseas. In the UK, the garbage collectors will not pick up waste that is not separated.

The QUESTION is, how are the authorities going to implement this in sunny Malaysia?

As it is, the recycling campaign that they spent millions of ringgit on was deemed a failure. Short of going door to door and teaching people how to separate their waste at source, I don't see how we are going to successfully implement the Bill.

Incidently, there is this couple from Penang, MyLene and her husband who have been going around to schools and showing people how the average household can recycle almost ALL their waste - for free.

Perhaps THEIR experience and motivation can be harnessed to train trainers who will then go school to school and teach children and their parents how to recycle and then separate their remaining waste at source.

With the abandonment of Broga Incinerator Project the government has little time to do what needs to be done to prevent large tracks of valuable land from turning into landfills.

Malaysians produce much too much waste and it may be a case of too little too late.